Agencies And a Tsunami of Information

Searching for an agency is overwhelming.  Even for me, who has walked this adoption thing before, looking for an agency to help us expand our family is incredibly overwhelming.  Here is how I did it.

I googled "adoption agency ratings" and similar search terms.  They have websites that "rate" agencies based on reviews and business practices.  I began there by looking at agency websites that dealt with international adoptions.  I looked at agencies that had programs in locations I was interested in (Africa, South America).  I also Googled for agencies that work in specific countries.

On the agency websites, there are brief summaries of requirements for each country program: age range for parents, ages of kiddos available, common medical needs available, total time to complete the adoption, how long you need to travel in the country, etc.

I began and Excel document to spreadsheet my findings.  On the left hand side, I had agency names, and then in the columns I made a grid for country programs, age of kiddo, total time, if siblings were often available, if we would adopt two unrelated kiddos, who the contact person was, if I had contacted them, etc.  My spreadsheet looked something like this, with the agencies I was most interested in highlighted in yellow or orange:

I looked at probably 50 agencies, and added 14 to my spreadsheet to look into further.

A note about agencies: There are two main parts to an adoption: Home study and Dossier.  A Home study (HS) is done by an agency in your state, a social worker comes to your home, and it completes the requirements within the USA certifying you are a safe home for a child to be placed in.  A Dossier is almost identical, but certifies to the international country that they are placing their child in a safe home.  If an agency is in your home state or has an office there, they will do your home study.  If they are outside your state, a local agency/social worker will do your home study, and then share that home study with your placing agency: the agency that you are actually working with to bring the child home.

I emailed each of these 14 agencies, and asked for general information.  Some I heard back from, some I did not.  Some information I was able to glean for their website, some I needed to talk to an actual human about to begin to fill in my spreadsheet.

One agency gave me conflicting information as I spoke with them compared to what was on their website.  I crossed them off my list.  One agency just felt weird, so I crossed them off my list too.  Some agencies placed kiddos that were older than we are looking for, so they were crossed out.  Some agencies had consistently poor reviews, so I crossed them off also, even though they looked like a great agency.

Note about agency reviews:  An agency is more likely to get negative reviews than positive ones.  Happy families don't share as often as frustrated ones, so there will be negative reviews on virtually any agency.  Take a moment to look at the reviews, the dates they were posted, and what the complaint is about.  Not all complaints are applicable.  For example, the entire country of Russia closed its doors to adoption a few years ago.  It was tragic, painful, and awful for the families that were in process and had already met "their" kids in Russia.  It had nothing to do with specific agencies.  So, while a family might be frustrated at the agency because their adoption was not able to be completed, the outcome really wasn't dependent on the agency, but rather the country itself.  Also, I have a hard time taking complaints seriously if they don't use correct grammar, spelling and punctuation.  Just sayin'.

Next post: narrowing it down

Where In The World?!?

We chose international.  For a myriad of reasons, we chose to pursue an international adoption.  Many of the reasons are still the same from when we adopted the first time: we love cultures, travel, different people groups, and we want to bring that into our home.  We also see the need globally and our hearts are burdened.

What's the next step?

Decide on a country and an adoption agency.

Factors that will play into this decision:

• Timeframe: How long do you want your process to take?
• Location: Are there cultures or people groups that you are more or less drawn to?
• Age: How old of a child are you hoping to bring into your family?  Also, how old are you?  Different countries have different requirements about the age of the parents in relation to the ages of kiddos.
• Color: Do you want your kiddo to be a specific color?  While this may seem odd, your family WILL stand out if you're all white except one.  Is it important that your child "look like you" or does it matter?
• Special Needs: Are you desiring a healthy child or are you open to various levels of special needs?  Special needs include everything from a missing toe to HIV+ to simply being an older child to needing lifelong care.

For us, we wanted a shorter process.  Our first adoption took 4 years, and we aren't really ready for that again.  We would like a child that is potentially brownish.  It is not important that a child look like us, and our daughter is beginning to notice skin differences.  A browner child might fit in with the original two kiddos a little better.  

We would like to maintain a substantial age gap between the first two kiddos and the next one.  Our first two kiddos are VERY close both in age and in relationship.  A third child that is close in age could disrupt this bond, and could be damaging to relationships.  So, we would like a young child, ideally between 0-18months at the time of referral.

At the time of what??  Referral: when you are "matched" with a child and you get their photo/description/medical info and have the chance to say "yes" or "no" to being their parent.

We are drawn to African or South American countries, as well as India since it is a subcontinent and has it's own culture within Asia.  Asian culture is not a great fit with our family, but India seems to be a little different.  Countries that seem to have established adoption programs right now include China, India, Colombia, Mexico, Haiti, and several in Eastern Europe (Bulgaria, etc).  There are others, but these seem to be the big ones right now.

We are willing to consider some special needs.  Adopting a "healthy" baby is pretty rare and the wait can be quite long.  There are many needs that would not affect the child's quality of life or are correctable, and we are willing to explore those needs and see if it is something we are able to help with or would be a good fit for our family.  Some of the needs we might consider are: cleft lip and palate, missing finger/toe/hand, club foot, lazy eye, burns or scars, etc.  One of the factors we have had to consider is if the need would be accepted by our extended family.  While this seems selfish, there are some generational prejudices against some things where we are not sure the child would feel accepted in our family.  

Next post: Agencies

Where To Start? Domestic vs. International?

One thing that we have discussed many times is how to help our friends begin their own adoptions.  Many people have watched us and our family, and the consensus seems to be: "Good for you. That is too complicated for me.  I wouldn't even know where to begin."

If we could scream one thing to the world around us, it would be "YOU CAN ADOPT!  IT IS POSSIBLE!"

Finances, paperwork, time, and research aside, if you want to bring a child into your home, it IS possible.

The first question you need to ask is if nothing stood in your way, is this is something you want to do?  If the answer is "yes!" come along with us on our journey and learn a bit about the steps we are taking and how we are processing and making decisions.  Maybe the mystery of it all will be diminished enough and you will be emboldened to begin your own adoption journey.  As always, ask hard questions, wonder aloud, and I will be happy to share as much as I can to help.

One of the first questions you need to ask: Do I want to adopt domestically (from the USA) or internationally?

The needs are great everywhere.  A few statistics to get you started:

• 425,000 children in the US foster care system.
• 107,918 need forever families right now.

That means that there are over 100,000 kids that are currently waiting for a family like yours to say "yes" to them.  Kids wait in the foster care system an average of 3 years before being adopted.  3 years without a mama or a daddy.  3 years without a sense of belonging.  YOU have the ability to change that.

Each year, over 20,000 kids age out of the foster care system.  They turn 18 and are launched into the world without any place to call home or a family to belong to. YOU can change this.  

What happens to those kids?

• Only half graduate from hi-school 
• Less than 3% graduate from college 
• 84% Became a parent by the age of 21 
• Half are unemployed by the age of 24 
• 1 in 4 have been homeless 
• 1/3 are receiving public assistance

Again, YOU can change the world for one of these children.

These statistics are just those here in the USA.  Internationally, the statistics are much higher and more poignant.  

Adopting internationally is both the same and different.  International process is often longer, more expensive, and involves second or third world governments.  It involves cultures, languages, translations, and astronomical needs.

Did you know that the country of India is about 1/3 the land mass of the USA?  However, it contains 4 times the population of the USA.  Crazy! There are about 20 million orphans in India.  This is about 4% of their population, and is comparable to the entire population of Romania.  

The need, ladies and gentlemen, is astronomical.

YOU can change the world for one of these children.  

As yourself: is a child's life worth some inconvenience on your part?  Adoption is inconvenient.  I'm not gonna lie.  However, is valuing what God values and obeying Him more or less important that the comfortable life you have made for yourself?

Join us on our inconvenient journey as we explore what God might have in mind for us and our family.

Starting: The Very Beginning

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we think we might start again. For the last year or so, my husband and I have talked about adopting a second time. It has been quite the adventure with our first two, but we feel as though it might be time to add another child to the craziness.

I'll introduce ourselves later, I think.  For now, all ya'll need to know is that we are Anna and Philip, and we love Jesus, love each other, and love the kiddos God has given us.

In one sense, I don't want to adopt again. I like my family of 5 just the way it is. Me, my husband, my cousin, and my two amazing kiddos. We are perfectly happy and content, just the 5 of us. Really, my heart, mind, and home is perfectly fine. just. the. way. it. is.

But. Adoption isn't about me. It's not about what I want or need. It's not about filling some hole in my life or fulfilling some dream. It's about God.

Adoption, for us, is about obedience. It's about valuing what God values, doing what He does, and being His hands and feet to those in need. It's about doing what He says to do: "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27

After all, HE is the One who puts families together. "A Father of the fatherless and a Judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely" Psalm 68:5-6

It's not like I can force an adoption, or force children into my family.  God puts families together.  He values children, and His heart is tender towards those that are alone.  

Recently, a friend was sharing how children resemble their parents.  At least, a child that is walking in fellowship and learning from their parent will come to resemble the parent in attitudes, actions, and values.  In the same way, if we walk with God and learn from Him, we will begin to resemble Him in our attitudes, actions, and values.  

God values adoption.  After all, He adopted us.  He made us a part of His family.  He placed His own son into an adoptive family so that He could pay our adoption price through His death. Adoption is something God takes very seriously.  I must also.

After much prayer, tears, discussion and a bit of rebellion on my part, we have decided to move forward with adoption another child or two.  

Welcome to our process.