Special Needs Charts

While the kiddos were playing quietly today, I sat down with the chart of special needs.  We have to fill out the chart of various special needs, and indicate if we are open to this need, possibly open, or closed to it. There is also a place for notes.

Needs like HIV, partial blindness or vision issues, dwarfism, cleft lip/palate, heart conditions, etc I am vaguely familiar with, or at least can pronounce the concept, if not give specifics about the condition.  Other needs like thalassemia and hydrocephalus?  I have no idea.

So I just sat down and googled, and copied and pasted some definitions into a document so that Philip can read over them.

How do we sort through this?  How do I determine which needs I am more able to handle than other needs?  How much is too much? Do I limit it to correctable needs?  How do I differentiate between needs that my family can readily accept into daily life and other needs that are too disruptive to my "perfect" little family life?  What about mental or developmental needs? How scared am I to face something new and adapt?  How ready am I to open myself to something God may be wishing to bless me with, even if it's outside my comfort zone?

How many trips to the doctor's office do I want to make?  Am I up for specialists and repeated surgeries and treatments and medications?  How much of a learning curve do I want here?

The easy answer is "a missing baby toe is acceptable." And if that is what we are up for, that's fine.  But, how do we listen to what God is asking of us?  How do we, with open minds and hearts, make responsible and realistic decisions for our family?

I really don't know.

Home Studies and Whatever Else I'm Working On

I think I'm working on a HomeStudy now.  We were assigned a program coordinator who is our "go-to" person for the next step of the process-- actually, we were assigned two of them- one for the Dossier and one for the Home Study-- one is Leslie and one is Elise.

They each e-mailed us the packets, which I printed.  There are lists, instructions, and sample forms in these packets.  I got two thick 3-ring binders on Amazon, as well as those folders that go in binders that are sort of cut away so you can easily get paper in and out.  I got about 25 folders.  I'm sure I'l need more, but for the moment they are helping me sort. I have one folder for the disclosure statements, one for the residential histories, one for the autobiographical questionnaires, one for the medical forms, one for the background check forms....  etc etc.  There are a ton.  My cousin has already had to fill out paperwork also, simply because she lives with us.

Thankfully, we can scan and email forms in as we complete them, instead of sending everything in at once.  That would be a huge undertaking, but this way it is spread out a little, and we have time to redo forms if something doesn't get done correctly.

I am choosing not to panic yet. I'll get everything figured out and get into the groove of it all.  Leslie and I scheduled our first meeting. There have to be 3 total, one of which in our home.  The one one in the home will also need to include interviews with each of the 3 of us adults-- cousin included. I'm not as worried about that one.  For our first HS years ago, I cleaned the house spotless, stressed over everything, and generally freaked out.  This time around, honestly, I don't care.  I have two small children, and we live here.  The dust can just stay under the couch and the crumbs can just stay under the table. So what.

It was exhausting to do the autobiographical questionnaire.  It was 3 pages of questions all about our life, background, and future. Questions like, "Describe your relationship your parents when you were a child, and how has it changed since then?" and "How did your parents handle stress? How do you handle stress as an adult?" and "Describe any traumatic experiences in your marriage" and "What are the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage? How did you meet your spouse, what drew you to him/her, and what did they see in you?"

3 pages of similar questions, also including questions about our expectations as the child comes home, how we anticipate that transition happening, and what our support system looks like when we need help.

I have dealt with my past, various difficulties with my home life growing up, and how that affected my adult life.  That still does not mean it's fun to rehash all of that. In fact, it's quite exhausting to think through and present years of emotional garbage in a succinct, non-scary way.  There will be questions I need to answer during the home study interview, but I am prepared for them and will deal with them as they come.

I am really hoping our naturopath can fill out the forms for the medical exam.  I love her and feel like she has a good understanding of our family and that she is on our "side" supporting our role as parents.  Still waiting to hear back from Leslie though about that. I would really hate to go to a new doctor for an exam. Ugh.

Because of the letters of recommendation etc that we will need, we will probably have to tell family and close friends about our adoption sooner than anticipated. This whole thing seems pretty surreal, like an act of paperwork-laden obedience rather than a child's life redeemed. My heart doesn't feel much for the new baby yet, but I know that will change.  So, I know that people will be excited for us, and probably more enthusiastic about it that I will be.  Since it doesn't seem "real" yet, I just feel a little hollow about sharing it. Our first HS meeting/orientation is in two weeks.  So, within the next week, we will need to share with our church board as well as our parents/siblings, AND our kids.

The kiddos' gauge of time is sketchy, at best.  I know they aren't going to understand the whole "in a year or so" thing, and the life changing concept will be that they are getting a new sibling.  I am honestly not so sure how they will react or what questions they will have.  Well, Sissy will want to know if the child will be brown.  Buddy will probably take more time to ponder the concept. We'll see.

Another thing we are working on is the education part.  We are required to have about 12 hours of adoption education, including some online seminars.  The lady that gives the seminars is so annoying our heads might just pop off.  However, so far we have survived.  We also have a book to read and questions to answer about the book.  That is going to be a tough one for my husband since he doesn't like to sit and read much.